Four: A Dauntless MC Romance
by Lunaschild2016
Summary: He was scarred from his past and from his service to his country, but not one of those scars compared to what he held inside. She was the one to see beyond that, to soothe and heal him. She was the one he would never be good enough for but would spend his entire life trying to be. Even if it cost him everything in the process. Four/Tris AU Modern Day (M)
1. Chapter 1

**Rating: M (Language, Sexual content)**

 **He was scarred from his past and from his service to his country, but not one of those scars compared to what he held inside. She was the one to see beyond that, to soothe and heal him. She was the one he would never be good enough for but would spend his entire life trying to be. Even if it cost him everything in the process. Four/Tris AU Modern Day (M)**

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 **A/N: Here is my attempt at a Fourtris story. I have a few friends that have been trying to get me to go to the 'Fourside'. So here it is. There will be a follow up story back with my favorite badboy, cause...it's Eric. So of course I will. But for now enjoy a little Four and Tris.**

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 **Prologue: Four**

There is a saying: If these walls could talk.

I wondered about my childhood home. If those walls could talk what would they say? Would they speak in low pained whispers or would they resemble the wails of some haunted house? Keening the loneliness, pain, anger and despair that had been the soundtrack to my young life.

I realize that given my start, I might be leading a life that is cliche. I know given everything that had happened before I was headed to an early grave; self inflicted or forced. Either that or time behind bars. Running had been the best decision I had ever made in my life. It hadn't been the easiest by a long shot but it led me to where I am today.

From the outside we had looked like the perfect little family. Pops was the Deacon of the church and respected city councilman. Mom was the perfect little housewife. Always poised and ready

to show just how perfect she was. Never a hair out of place on her well manicured image.

And image was everything to them both. Image and Power, their drugs of choice.

What everyone didn't see was the beatings, the drinking, the venom spewed by the pillar of the community. Mom was no help even though she suffered the worst of the beatings at first. She was checked out long before she split, leaving me to the abuse.

By the age of sixteen I knew it would never get better. No one would believe me either. He was too good at charming and conniving. When he started to spread rumors that I was troubled, disturbed, I had enough.

Man did that shit cause all kinds of issues for him when I took off. I didn't just take off though. This was the century of information and technology overload. The old man had no idea about webcams or how the internet really worked. So I had started to record some of his finer moments. When I was set to take off I released them. Not directly to the authorities. No, I used the nosey gossiping mamas. Sending out emails to those in the PTA and booster clubs.

I lit the fire to the bridge but didn't stick around to see it burn. I was aware that being a minor if anything came about from that little shit storm I started, it would mean going into the system. I said fuck that and decided to take a chance on my own.

There were hard times for sure but I got lucky. Met up with a guy who owned a computer repair store within the first year. He took a chance on me and let me stay in the small shed that was behind his house, turning it into the smallest home ever. I worked in his shop to earn my keep and he paid me under the table.

George knew people. Had connections that he used to get me sorted after he got me to open up about what had sent me running. He pointed out that if I wanted to make anything of myself then I needed to finish school. I didn't relish the idea of going back to an institution so instead we worked to get me my GED. I don't know how he did it but he also was able to get me emancipated. With Pops having been arrested and Mom MIA, it hadn't been too hard.

When I hit eighteen I took the next step. One of George's friends, Amar, became a close friend and mentor to me. With his guidance I realized that I didn't want to go the college route, even though I wanted to delve more into technology. Programming, hacking, coding, web design. You name it I craved to learn it. Luckily there was a place I could get training and on the job experience.

I did six years service in the Marines. I found family there, brothers, that made me feel like for the first time I was wanted. That I was valued and needed. That lasted about as long as they could get anything out of me. The accident and explosion changed everything.

With a pat on the back, a ceremony and a medal; I was thanked for my service but told my time was over. Physically there was nothing wrong with me. I was stronger than ever and had been lucky to have minimum of wounds. Mentally and emotionally, the scars of my past along with the scars hard won during my service added up.

Honestly, in retrospect, I had it easy. My PTSD was nowhere near the levels some of the other guys from the VA have. I couldn't see that though. I could only feel sorry for myself in losing the only place I had ever felt truly at home. I could only mire myself in the loss of my band of brothers.

I went back a jaded and pathetic shade of who I had built myself to be. Once again George and Amar were there to guide me through it. It started out with George taking me back in and getting me to accept the help the VA offered.

When he discovered that I was having issues with being in any kind of closed vehicle, he put me on my first bike. I hadn't connected that my attacks as soon as I got into a car was connected with my PTSD. As soon as I got on a bike I knew though. In a car I felt confined and trapped. Just like I had felt when the bomb blew and I had to stay in the upturned transport listening to my buddies die, waiting to see if I was next.

On a bike I never felt so free. All of that disappeared and I felt in control again. I didn't know that simple thing would lead me to my real home. Amar had long been a member of his own motorcycle club. I wanted to patch into his club but he had other ideas and a better place for me.

He knew I hated the city. That I craved the small town feel and simple life I grew up in. He also knew that I would never be down for some of the more illegal activities that his club took part in. That is when I was introduced to Dauntless MC and Max.

Max was a generation member and current President. His grandfather had established the club after he got back from serving in the navy. His father took over when he came back from serving in the army and Max himself took over after his father's death when he came back from his time in the Marines.

The club was filled with VA's, other generation members or just the misfits we seem to collect. I knew I was home the minute I stepped foot into the clubhouse. Now three years later I have worked my way up from prospect, Intel/Technology to Sergeant in Arms. The third highest officer position there is available in the club. They call me Four after an incident in a job where the truck I was in rolled four times and completely demolished it. Jaws of life had been brought in but I walked away without a fucking scratch.

The guys couldn't believe it and my luck. So the name Four was given to me. It wasn't like I was ashamed of my real name but I preferred to go by the name my new family gave me.

We do good work. We take care of each other, our families and our county. There are several business we front and all of them legitimate. That isn't to say that from time to time we don't have to handle business in a way the government wouldn't exactly approve. But it's never for profit and only protection. Usually when we have been forced and have no other recourse.

Everything in my life before now led me here, to my family and brothers. I would do anything for them. Even laying down my own life.

But like something out of an old noir movie….it comes to down to one dame...one girl I shouldn't want but can't resist anymore….and it could all go up in flames.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One: Four**

"Four." A deep and raspy voice greets me as I sit at the breakfast nook drinking my coffee and have my head stuck in my tablet.

I look up even though I already know who spoke. "Eric." I greet him back simply.

It is too damn early in the morning for either of us to move beyond simple syllable words. Not enough sleep or caffeine can make me a surly motherfucker. Eric ain't much better.

He slides into one side of the breakfast nook and drinks his own coffee. There is a bustle around us. A few of the club girls are starting to get breakfast prepared. Their soft voices melding into the sounds of the rattling of pots and pans. It could be annoying and jarring, causing one of us to snap at them. But they had learned to move and set things up in a way that minimized the noise levels.

Not all of the guys live in the clubhouse. Most with families have their own homes on or near the massive amount of property the MC owns. It is generally guys like me, single and heavily involved with the running of the club, that lives on property. Same with the girls affiliated with the club. Technically there are no female club members. They aren't patched in anyways. If there is a girl tied to the club they are usually the old lady of one of the brothers, a kid, or a hanger on.

Some girls like to hang around. Attracted to the life and men. Maybe trying to become someone's old lady or just needing someplace to go. In other clubs the girls are called sweet butts. Generally speaking they are used for one thing. I can't say that never goes on but that isn't what having the girls here is all about. All the girls are treated with respect and taken care of. If there are any hookups they are behind closed doors and consensual.

Before she passed, Max's wife had a habit of finding girls lost in the world and getting them a home. Street Life is hard. I knew from personal experience. It was just another reason I knew this place was where I belonged.

Lauren, one of the girls, sauntered over and placed a plate in front of Eric. She let her hand graze along his arm and gave him a coy smile. "Here you go hun."

Eric raised an eyebrow and smirked a little. "Thanks doll." He replied but didn't give her more encouragement. Not that he would need to. Everyone knew Lauren had a major thing for Eric. All he would need to do...all he did, was raise that eyebrow when he wanted something and she went running.

He began to dig into his food while she made her way back over to me. Her smile was different for me but no less inviting. It wasn't something I ever encouraged or wanted but I smiled at her and thanked her simply.

Eric's deep rumbling chuckle sounded in front of me. "Such a choir boy." He mumbled around a bite of food. "When was the last time you got laid, brother?"

I shot him a glare then took a drink of my coffee to wash down the bite I had just finished. "Oh about, it's none of your fucking business, ago." I snapped back at him.

Normally I didn't react so badly to his prodding. I could give a shit less about the flack I got from the guys about my apparent lack of interest in either the club girls or the girls from in town. It didn't phase me normally.

It shouldn't bother me. All that had changed about three weeks ago when I got wind that she was dating someone. Apparently it was serious too.

I thought he would press things, keep at me. Sometimes he got in those moods. Maybe he got some himself or he was having a good day because he didn't press things. Instead he went to business even though today was a weekend.

As officers we were never really 'off'. Shit could hit the fan at anytime and we were the first ones called.

"You get to go over those contracts from the lumber mill we just contracted?" He asked in between sips of his coffee.

I nod as I work on continuing to eat. The contracts were for the security firm we have. Part of the services we offer is protection and guard details. There had been some trouble out at the lumber mill and they wanted a few guards posted during the off hours. It was tricky for us because we had to cover a wide area in patrols. That meant hiring more bodies to cover the territory.

"I figure we need about twenty additional bodies to fill in the gaps we don't already have people for. We can hire some from of the applicants that have been on the waiting list for a while." I reply after I have gotten some more caffeine in my system.

Eric tilts his head in thought. His blue grey eyes doing that calculating he is famous for. "Sounds good but we won't want to put the new blood out there. Too much could go wrong and we don't want anyone green being the only ones to handle it."

With another nod I agree. "Get 'em trained up then move the experienced ones to the mill while filling in their places at the old posts. It will be good because honestly a few of them had complained of things being stale."

Eric snorted and rolled his eyes. "Fuckers shouldn't complain at all. They are getting top dollars to basically sit on their ass and watch whatever little programs they want to watch in their guard boxes. We coddle their asses way too damn much."

I smirk a little. While I agree personally I know that Eric and I are a different breed. The guys and kids we hire have never experienced the hell we went through. "Happy employees mean better results, Eric." I intone.

He huffs and shakes his head. "Lazy motherfuckers." He grumbles more under his breath than anything.

Anything I was going to say is cut off as a commotion draws my attention. Honestly I was already drawn before Eric had even got out his grumpings.

I felt her as she was coming in the door. It was like she carried the cool spring air with her and released it as she was entering any room. She always had a way about her that seemed to breathe life into me while stealing my breath away.

I lower my head but look up from under my lashes and let my eyes take her in. It is the weekend and that means she will spend time here at the clubhouse with her family. It also means she will allow herself to dress casually and more in keeping with the kinds of activities that might happen during the two days she and her sister are here.

Her golden hair is down, hanging in a shimmering curtain down to the middle of her back instead of in the bun or tight ponytail she sported while working in the office. Her trim body encased in tight blue jeans that she paired with mid calf boots in a dark grey serviceable leather. She had a simple navy long sleeved t shirt on with her favorite dark grey leather jacket dropped over her arm.

Seeing her was a knife to my heart every time because she is so fucking off limits it was ridiculous. Not only was there the age difference, her being eight years younger than me. There is also the fact that she is the president's daughter. Adopted daughter, but blood didn't make any difference to Max. He loved those girls and their brother with a fierceness that was both awe inspiring and scary as fuck.

From the moment I had stepped foot into the clubhouse for the first time and she had turned her sweet smile along with those blue eyes on me, I had been gone.

My efforts to keep my observing her unnoticed fail as I see her look in my direction. She gives me a smile but it only serves to twist the knife further.

I smile back before she turns to her sister and they walk out with a few of the other girls chattering.

There was a time when she lit up at the sight of me. Her eyes radiating what I felt but could never show. But time and the distance I purposely shoved in between us had started to dim that. Now there was a lingering sadness that has only deepened with the knowledge she has moved on.

How can I hurt so bad at the loss of something that was never even mine?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2: Tris**

I inhaled deeply as I raised my face to the sky with a smile twisting my lips. The warmth of the tea seeping in through my skin was a welcome juxtaposition to the crisp cool air that surrounded me.

It had been too good and beautiful of a day to resist taking my lunch out in the little patio the cafe I liked to frequent had open. From the bustle and sounds surrounding me, my friend Christina and I weren't the only ones that had this same idea.

The thought had me opening my eyes to look around the city center that surrounded us. My town was small in comparison to cities like Seattle that weren't all that far away. I never minded it and in fact I loved it. Days like this just deepened and reminded me of why I didn't follow my older brothers urging to go to college in Seattle and find a job there like he did.

He had been eager to return back to the city we had been born in but had to leave after the death of our parents. I knew he was grateful for and loved our adoptive father, Max. But Caleb had always been more the metropolitan type. He might not go all in for the nightlife, he was too studious and staid for that. But he loved the cultural resources, the buzz and activity, the multiple and copious amounts of libraries...of the city.

For me and my sister Annabelle, Belle, we had fallen in love the moment Max had driven us through the city on the way to his home. Max was an old family friend of my mother's from childhood. Her parents had known and had ties to his. She never talked much about her family but I had known her father and Max's had served in the military together and then remained 'brothers' afterwards.

I didn't understand what that meant really. I knew Max was different and lived a different life than my parents. Where we grew up in the church, living a life of service and giving; preferring to be unassuming in appearance and attitude...Max was rough and brash. He spoke his mind forcefully even if he was never intentionally unkind that I had seen.

He wore his tattoos on his neck proudly and he always seemed to be clad in leather. I didn't understand what the patches and symbols had meant on the leather he wore then. I know other friends of ours were intimidated by him but I had never been. His smile was too infectious and he always went out of his way to set us at ease.

It had been a shock when he had explained just what it all meant and what it meant for us by him taking us in after the sudden and devastating death of my parents.

He was in a motorcycle club. Not only that but he was the president of one. Caleb seemed to understand better than Belle or I and had at first been trepidatious. He was already upset to be forced to leave our home but added in the complete change of way of life and it caused him to withdraw and be worrisome.

While my siblings and I had been sheltered to a degree we were by no means deprived of the knowledge and use of certain things. So while we didn't really watch tv or go to movies often, we had free access to the internet and our own computers. Belle and I had immediately set about researching motorcycle clubs.

At first we were just as worried if not more worried than Caleb at what we found. Outlaws, hooligans, murders….the list went on for everything that was normally associated with these organizations.

Belle was the one that suggested we look into Max's club specifically. After we had sat huddled together, holding each other in worry and shock. She had snapped out of it and declared that she just couldn't see Max being part of something like that.

She was right. Dauntless MC did have a reputation but it was good. They protected the five cities that made up the county they were in. Keeping the criminal element to a minimum while helping the community in so many ways that it couldn't be counted.

There were still rumors and muttering of the men in the club being brutal and rough. That wasn't all untrue either. We had felt better as the day we would move approached. Max had brought two other men with him the day we were to load up the moving van with all the possessions we decided to keep from home.

They were big men that looked to have seen some rough times but their manner was easy going with us. Even reassuring. In no time flat they had taken over the process, treating my sister and I like little princess' no matter how much we protested. Then they ushered us into a waiting SUV with Max and one of the men driving that, and the other following behind in the truck.

It wasn't until we were out on the highway that I noticed the two bikes following us. It was the first showing of how protective our new family would be towards us.

Riding through town had been like stepping back in time almost. The downtown area was lined with old fashioned and restored brick buildings. The city center itself with a wide green area, gazebo and little cafes was enough to make me fall in love. But it was the sight of families playing on the lawn, strolling down the sidewalks, teenagers hanging out outside of coffee shops or the old diner; that truly drew me in and made my worry start to fade.

It felt more like home than Seattle ever did. I had felt a pang of guilt for that thought but it passed when I realized that the longing for my parents wasn't gone...in fact it was magnified. This was the kind of place I could see having enjoyed living with them. The kind of place I think they would love to know their children would now be raised in.

Even the clubhouse deepened this and surprised me. In our research we had learned club compounds were usually warehouses or some other type of building that could be made into a fortress. While there was a gate we entered, a huge daunting one made of iron and steel, the buildings were breathtaking.

We had to drive some ways to reach the land the club owned and used for the clubhouse and other dwellings. After entering the gate we had driven a bit further, passing a few buildings that looked like businesses such as a garage and even what I later discovered is a fully equipped gun and weapon range.

They were well kept and maintained if not the most architecturally stunning things. They were serviceable and military like.

The clubhouse, or main house as the guys called it, was another story. It was like this towering stone and log cabin style lodge. The circular driveway brought us the front doors while the truck and the bikes following it went down a wider road that led to the back.

Max smiled at our reaction then explained. His grandfather had bought the property with a large cabin already located on it. His family had lived there with guest rooms being built on for the members that needed to stay. At some point it had been decided to just renovate and make it a big enough place that it would still serve as home for the family, but also as the headquarters.

So while there were offices, a conference room and even a built in gym; the place was a true home and kept that feeling.

This is home, has been home from the time I was twelve. I plan to make this town my home and hopefully raise a family here one day.

My smile falters slightly at this thought. In all my imaginings from the time he walked into my life at the age of sixteen, there had been only one man I saw that with. I had held that hope so strongly until this last year I had to finally admit that my being with Four would never happen.

All those times and for three years I had let myself believe those looks he gave me might have meant he wanted me like I wanted him. But years of waiting and then him pushing me away made me realize that it wasn't to be.

So it had been time to move on and try to find my happiness. It looked like I might have found it with Peter.

No...I had found it with him. Even if I didn't burn for him like I still do for Four but I am sure that will build with time. With time I will come to love him as deeply as I did Tobias.

The thought should make me smile but I feel cracks in my heart and a ache beginning to pierce through.

"So you think tonight he could be popping the question?" Christina interrupts my thoughts with a smile on her lips and excitement in her eyes.

The question jars me out of whatever moment of self-pity I was about to descend into.

 _No more. No more tears for him._

I tell myself one more time the mantra I had adopted as soon as I realized I was done waiting and pining for someone that wasn't willing to fight for us.

I force a smile and lift my cup to take a sip, hoping it hides the falseness of the gesture. At least until I can make it real.

"Peter isn't exactly subtle. He more or less said as much." I finally reply with a slight real smile.

Christina chuckles and nods. "You're right. Subtlety isn't exactly Peter's forte. But this means we can plan and shop! I say we cut out early. I saw the perfect dress in Shauna's Boutique."

She is bouncing with excitement. If shopping were an olympic sport, Christina would get gold every time. I tolerated it for her sake.

I wince, causing her to laugh. Her excitement does tend to be infectious though. I love to see my friends happy and knowing that I made that happens always brings joy to my heart.

I agree, as she knew I would, and the words 'ok' had barely left my lips before she is already whipping her phone out and the shopping expedition arranged.

My peaceful lunch suddenly has evaporated and I am promptly drug along the strip. I allow myself to be pulled into the excitement and flurry of activity as I prepare to take the next step into my future.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. This is a complete departure for me as far as the main characters I am focusing on. Also, I do modern day rarely but this was just too good of an idea that came out of my vortex of a mind and I rolled with it. Hope you continue to enjoy!**

 **Chapter 3: Four**

I sink into the couch of the game/family room with a beer in hand. Letting my head fall back against the cushions, I also let the good natured ribbing and shouting from the guys gathered around, wash over me. I am letting myself get in some real R&R for the first time in three months.

I had thrown myself headlong into work with the security firm and the club. Trying to drown out the tangle of feelings I had from the moment I learned that Tris was dating. Not only dating but had been for a few months and it was supposedly getting serious.

I had no right to have the feelings I felt about that. It didn't stop them from happening though.

I lifted my head and took a deep drink from the bottle of beer. My eyes roamed over the room taking everyone in. It looked like all the guys were here.

Not really a surprise that we were all gathered together. It is a Saturday night. What is surprising but hadn't really registered is that it was here in the main house instead of the club bar that is in another building just behind the house.

From the beginning it had always been established that the partying would be kept separate from the house where the president and other residents lived. That was family space and no one questioned or took it for granted.

So an old barn had been renovated, added to and upgraded over the years. It now rivaled and resembled some of the best clubs in Seattle. As another way to bring in revenue, it was oftentimes leased out for events. Even a few wedding receptions had been put on in there.

Beside it was the massive garage that housed the bikes, and a repair shop. Most prospects did time in there, earning their keep along with learning the ropes. That garage was strictly for bikes, unlike the one at the front of the compound that was for the collision/repair business that the club owns.

Weekends that it wasn't rented out, the bar and garage were packed with members and even some locals that had invites.

I hadn't heard about it being rented out so the fact that we were all gathered in the massive entertainment room had me frowning.

I elbowed Zeke beside me as he was in the middle of some video game with his younger brother and new prospect Uri.

"Yo, Zeke. Why are we all in here again?" I ask as I eye the screen they are playing on. Some first person shooter game that makes me internally snort at some of the antics I am seeing on the screen.

Zeke is apparently too engrossed to answer but Eric pipes up from a recliner where he is sprawled back like he owns it. Mainly because he kind of does. He long since laid claim to the monster.

He huffs and mashes some buttons on his own controller, never bothering to look in my direction. "Some kind of hen party to celebrate some shit for Tris." He grumbled out. I couldn't tell if he was upset about the fact we had been kicked out of the bar or because it looked like he was getting his ass kicked in the game. Probably both.

Eric is a pretty sore loser.

When what he said registers for me I feel ice coursing through my blood in waves of dread. "Tris is celebrating something? What?" I get out when I finally find my voice again and hope it doesn't give too much away.

Zeke looks at me from the side of his eyes and I know he gets why I am asking. Can't really hide too much from my best friend.

Eric gives a one shoulder shrug. "She got engaged to some dude. Peter something."

That knife that had been doing a slow and painful twist over the past six months plunges in and I feel the breath being knocked from me.

"Peter. Peter Hayes?" I ask tightly as my hand clutches the bottle in a death grip.

"Suppose so." Eric once again casually answers.

"Are you shitting me?" I growl out, unable to stop myself.

Eric smirks a little but still doesn't look my way. "Last dump I took didn't have little Four turds floating around. So I am going to say, that no, I am not shitting you." His joke and amused smirk falters and he growls then throws the controller down in a huff.

I look to the screen, my face pulled into a scowl but trying to mask it before Eric can read too much into my outburst and tone. Now that he is no longer absorbed into the game I know he is going to be analyzing it.

"Why does it matter to you anyways?" I don't dare look at him but I can already hear it in his tone. Trying to get more out of me so he can file it away for processing later. See if there is anything to use in it.

It is a hell of an ability and skill that was beat into him through his time in the service. Not something we talk about but it has been implied there was a reason he was called the enforcer and got a reputation as being ruthless in his unit.

Even now, when it came time to and we needed to get information from someone that was less than willing, it fell to Eric.

"Just surprising is all. Wouldn't have said I ever saw her going for someone like Hayes." I shrug and tip my beer back.

That is an understatement. It killed me to think of her with anyone at all but him...I couldn't even fathom how that even happened.

Eric gives a chuckle and I look over to him. For a second he has a knowing smirk but then a shadow crosses over his eyes and he looks away with a sigh. "Yeah, Max wasn't exactly keen on it either. I can't say I care for the guy either but he has a promising career as a lawyer and seems to be over the moon about her. I guess as a father you couldn't ask for anymore than that."

Eric takes a long drink of his beer then starts picking at the label of it in what anyone else would call a nervous gesture. Eric doesn't get nervous so I don't call it that. "I mean that's the type of guy she deserves right? Both of them do. Guys from good fucking homes with respectable jobs. Not all scarred and fucked up in the head."

His words cut me deeply, almost causing me to miss the hint of bitterness in them. I don't answer. Can't answer, I feel so wounded.

Because he is right. That is a large part of why I would never allow myself to go beyond my fantasies with Tris. I wasn't good for her or good enough. Too old, too broken, too much baggage; the list goes on.

"Fuck this." Eric growls and pushes himself from his chair. He slams down the beer bottle on the small table beside him and yanks his leather jacket from the back. "I'm going for a ride. Maybe into the city. You know how to get ahold of me if something comes up."

He storms out with a scowl on his face not even waiting for a reply, leaving me to my own thoughts.

It is quiet for a minute until there is a pause as the sounds of the game die down. Then Uri breaks it.

"Dude, does Eric have a thing for Trissy?" His tone is incredulous but also a whisper. My head snaps up as I look to him and glare. He doesn't notice though because he is looking at Zeke.

I follow his eyes and look over to my friend who is shifting uncomfortably. My eyes narrow and my glare deepens. "Zeke?" I growl out.

Zeke groans and sighs. "No Four...he doesn't."

"Why am I not convinced?" My growling doesn't lessen.

My best friend rolls his eyes but he looks around and leans closer to me. "Look it isn't my place to say but let me just hint that you aren't the only club member with a thing for a Prior around here."

It takes a moment for that to register and when it does my forehead wrinkles. "Belle?" I bark out in disbelief. "Those two don't get along for shit!"

Zeke smirks and shrugs. "You handle your shit with brooding silence and silent stalking. Eric tends to handle his in other ways."

"Fuck me." I sigh out and close my eyes and take a breath of relief but also commiseration.

He and I aren't best friends but we have each other's backs when it counts. If I thought I had it bad with Tris, I can't imagine what it was like for Eric.

I can't decide if he has it better. Belle has never hinted at liking Eric in any form. In fact, given their interactions with each other I think she might truly hate him. A feat for the young woman who gets along with everyone.

Was it better to be hated by the woman you can never have or to always know that the only thing holding you from being with her...is you?

Suddenly the sprawling and welcoming rooms of the house and game room seemed to be closing in on me. I leaned forward and put my own bottle of beer on the table. "A ride sounds good." I supply in a distant tone before nodding to a few of the guys on my way out.

I have to walk past the bar to get to where my bike is parked outside of the garage. I try not to allow my eyes search for a sight of Tris along the way. The doors are all closed up but there is music and laughter coming from inside.

A few of our guys are standing outside of it. Protection detail and making sure nothing bad happens to the girls inside. Max will have posted a few guys inside too. Most likely taking up residence there himself. I feel a jolt of jealousy at anyone that got assigned duty in there tonight.

I shouldn't be surprised that I see Eric lingering near his own bike after the revelation I was just given. I am not surprised that we both seem to take our time going over our bikes while our eyes turn more than once towards the bar.

A burst of laughter breaks through the music and has us both stilling. We look at each other then, each realizing what we are waiting for. Just one glimpse of the girls we can never have.

His lips thin as he straddles his bike after he turns away. He nods to me and fires his bike up then tears out of the spot and down the long driveway.

I throw my leg over my own and roll out a little more calmly no matter that I feel nothing like that inside. I let my bike carry me to one of my favorite spots. Along a rocky coastline after riding for about forty five minutes. There is a bluff that is used as a scenic spot. Tourists and travelers will pause in their travels to take photos, have picnics or just take in the view. There are many like that all over Grays Harbor County. My favorite is the coastline.

There is a spot down from the more sedate beaches and public places. A bluff that overlooks the Pacific. I park the bike but stay on it, my vantage enough to allow me to see and hear what I love the most about this area.

The sea rolling in and crashing against the walls of stone. Turbulent and beautiful. The chaos of the churning waters has always had a way of making the tangled and messed up thread of my thoughts and feelings seem clearer.

Moving on seems to be the wisest course. The one that makes sense. I just know if it was that simple I would have done it long ago when I realized how deep I was with Tris. We hadn't always been so distant. I wasn't always so standoff-ish.

There was a time that we spent time together, and often. What started out as me being part of the prospects that were assigned to watch over her, Belle and Caleb from time to time; turned into a real friendship.

Zeke, Eric and I were the crew that got assigned to Max's brood while the other prospects would take other members kids. We might have bitched and moaned about it with the other guys when we are all gathered together and at the bar but it was all for show for me.

I had secretly loved it. It wasn't exciting at all. Those three were the most easy going non-demanding teenagers I had ever encountered. The only one that could be said to have given us issues was Caleb. And even then his issues were wanting to stay at the library longer, boring as shit, or griping about the various hazards of just about anything he could think of.

He was a bit of a know it all but he was also protective and paranoid about anything involving the safety or health of his sisters. Understandable after the death of his parents. He generally caved into the requests and desires of his sisters though.

So our time during the 'babysitting' duty could be doing anything from riding around on the ATV's, mudding or just in general running wild on the multi acres of the club house property; to sprawled out in the family room doing movie marathons of old classics to newer blockbusters.

I got to know a lot about Tris during that time. I connected deeper than I had ever connected with anyone before. Had ever allowed myself to. At first I had tried not to, tried to keep my distance and be cool. But she just had this way about her that set me at ease. That soothed hurts I thought I had left in the past long ago. With a look from those blue eyes she saw into me, saw those wounds. But she never looked like she pitied me for them.

I didn't realize how much I would be giving up by turning away from my own feelings and keeping her at a distance because of hers. I didn't realize how much it would hurt or that it felt like there was a void inside of my I would never again be able to fill without her.

I realize then and there I couldn't do it. I couldn't let her go if there was a chance that we could be. That she could be mine. If I hadn't blown it and it wasn't too late, I was going to make things right.

I would only walk away if I thought she was truly happy. It would still kill me but I could do it for her. But if there was one whiff of her not being happy or in love, then I was willing to risk it all for her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4: Tris**

I sink back into the couch of the apartment I share with my sister and sigh tiredly. We had just gotten home after being dropped off, not wanting to spend the night at the main house. Something our dad had protested greatly but we both had insisted on coming back to our apartment.

I don't know her reasons but I know mine. I didn't want to risk running into _him_. Not after what I had just celebrated.

The engagement party went well. All the girls had fun and it had been fun to get out of my normal routine for once. Work had been crazy and I had barely enough time for Peter, much less having time for my girls.

It had been so crazy that I was just now able to have the party after being engaged for a total of two months already. Christina had put her foot down and said no more waiting.

She wasn't the only one putting her foot down about the wedding and my procrastination. Peter is pushing for me to finalize a date.

I know he is getting upset that I haven't been able to pinpoint one as of yet but work has been really busy. I just haven't wanted to make a rushed decision.

As if she can sense my thoughts and unease, my sister slides onto the couch beside me. Two steaming cups of what I am sure will turn out to be her specialty, mint hot chocolate. She makes it from scratch after she watched this movie called ' _Chocolate',_ and vowed to never have instant hot chocolate again.

That was a lie, we still use the instant quiet often since we are simple girls. The real stuff is reserved for special occasions or when someone isn't feeling well.

I think she knows tonight counts for both.

I smile at her and blow into my cup while curling my feet under me. It is cool out and we both dressed for the weather even here in the apartment.

Tank tops, yoga pants, fuzzy socks and hoodie sweaters on. That along with the blazing electric fireplace we purchased, that also serves as our entertainment center unit, lends a warm cozy feeling to our night.

Belle lets out a contented sigh beside me and lays her head on the back of the couch. "Tonight went well. I was afraid Christina was going to go overboard or do something crazy for the party though."

I give a small laugh and nod. "Me too but I have a feeling we might be in trouble when it comes to her trying to do a bachelorette party."

Belle grimaces and I join her. I am not looking forward to telling her I had no plans to have one of those. My sister knew though. We had both talked about that years ago when as girls we planned out our weddings.

"She is going to have a fit when you tell her you don't want a bachelorette party. She was already brainstorming ideas with Lauren." Belle informs me with a wry smile.

I sigh but don't respond as I sip my drink. We both stay like that for a few minutes, faint music playing from the tv and the sound of the fire relaxing us both.

"Are you happy, Tris?" The question is so softly asked I almost missed it.

I look over to see her studying me in concern.

 _Am I happy?_

The question has been nagging at me for more months that I can count.

At first it was me asking if I was happy waiting for someone I could never have, or that seemed like they just weren't willing to have me. Now I am asking myself if I am happy with the person that will be who I build a life with.

Peter treats me well. He is charming and intelligent. He comes from a good family and has mentioned that family is important to him. In the early days of us dating that was what had attracted me to him the most. I want a family more than anything and I want someone that wants that too.

Peter is also much more career driven than I am. While I love working and am proud of the fact that I have my degree in business administration and am able to apply that to the business' my father runs, I am not a complete career woman.

Peter and I have talked about this and he has promised me that while he takes his law career seriously he isn't seeking more than what our hometown needs. There have been hints lately, things dropped by his parents about the town being to small to such a powerful young couple.

It makes me nervous but doesn't all marriage?

"I am happy." I finally tell her softly. She stays looking at me for a moment and she smiles sadly.

"Not as happy as you could be. As you should be. That is all I want for you."

I nod and smile back at her, looking her over seriously. I am not the only one that has been having doubts or acting off lately.

My sister is always so lighthearted and smiling. She has always had the ability to remove any dark clouds in someone's life just but simply being her and doing small things for them.

I went business but my sister went with nursing because of her empathetic nature. She is just finishing up with her nursing degree and works part time at the local doctors office. Like me she has never had big goals career wise.

Lately though she has been saying things that hint at her maybe wanting to move on. I just get the feeling she isn't doing it for the right reasons.

"What about you? Are you happy, Belle?" I ask her with a frown marring my forehead in worry.

Belle looks away from me but not before I see pain and sadness in her eyes. "I am still finding myself I think. I guess this is just part of growing up. Letting go of things that were...fantasy...I guess."

She shrugs and looks into her cup.

Her words and look match how I feel inside but I hate hearing it coming from her. It strikes something in me.

Is what I am doing with Peter settling because I can't have the fantasy I once hoped for more than anything? How can I tell my sister not to give up hope when I clearly have myself?

Setting down my cup I put my arms around my sister and squeeze her gently. "I miss Mom." I admit softly.

Belle leans her head on me and nods, a small sniffle escaping her. "Me too, Tris. Do you think….do you think she would be proud of us?"

A smile curls up my lips and I sigh. "I think she would. She would also tell us that sometimes our hearts know better than our heads."

Belle smiles at me and nods. "Easier said than done, right?"

With a smile I agree.

It is easier said than done especially when following my heart had led to nothing. The path my heart wants to take will never give me the family I want.

But still…


End file.
